Fitspirational Friend Pillows

'The exercise hasn't been a total failure. My personal trainer lost 10 pounds.'

In the future, human thought will enter an age of clarity and purity never before dreamed of.

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

The new diet not working out too good, huh, Frank?

Santa Dog

Hold those deer to you near to you this Christmas.

Cinderella insisted on always having glass slippers - even into old age...

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

Shall I be mother?

Brahms and Liszt at Christmas!

'I've met you before...I'm not good with names, but I never forget a pace!'

'No, that doesn't make any difference either, Miss Jones.'

Dog Weightlifting

"I guess exercise will make me feel more energetic, but I feel like I'm wasting all my energy exercising!"

"Things that make me feel better/Things I'm too tired to do......Things that make me feel worse/Things I do when I'm tired.

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

What your guitar says about you.

'Who else have I written for? Ridge Park Avenue, 7th Street, Elm Road, Thornwood Drive...'

'What's the use? Everyone has his own PC future-probability program these days.'

'Wouldn't it be easier if we just got more heavier friends?'

Arabian Nights.

The Inventor of the Man Bun.

Taking the elevator instead of the stairs.

"It's our fault. We put out milk & cookies and now we can't get rid of him."

'I realize this is an advances aerobics class, but I still don't think we're ready to work out to 'Flight of the Bumble Bee'!'

"Broken chairs, unmade beds, porridge everywhere... and a one-star review. Worst Airbnb customer ever."

Charlotte insists on a second opinion.

"Let me help you, dear."

"If only legginess were based on circumference."

"Be nice to people climbing the wall, because you'll meet them again rappelling down."

"I promise I won’t get upset. Just tell me why you chewed up her Chanel pumps."

'You have to employ me. . . I may be 17 but my wii fitness age is 62.'

Flowers Explosion!

"My goodness, Albert! Open your eyes and watch out where you're going while grazing!"

Moose is an environmental nightmare, Nana. I beg your pardon? The beef and cereal in his chow is worth 10,000 SUV miles. But consider his offsets. He cleans my floor with natural solvents. I don't need a power-sucking burglar alarm. He listens to all my problems, free of charge. And he saves me from having to join a gym. SO ... I am not ... reducing my canine footprint.