Fitness Contemplators T-Shirts

'This looks good. It's a six-hour special on how society is becoming too sedentary.'

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

Critisize your weight.

"It's true: no more burpees."

Now that we've developed lungs, it's only a matter of time before we feel guilty about not exercising.

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

Professional woman in pub

Guy in gym

There's a popular new health spa down there. The endorphins are having a blast in aerobics. Antibodies are learning kickboxing and the adrenaline is getting some much needed relaxation in the yoga studio. The only problem is the water molecules. Everybody is concerned about them! What's wrong? They haven't been seen since they went into the sauna!

"1971... 2015..."

Body Building

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

" ... and if we finish pillaging early enough, we can still catch the evening Zumba class on the after deck."

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

"And what would you like to regret later?"

'On my new diet I can eat anything I want, but have to walk 500 miles a day.'

"Up here everything is pretty much opposite."

Yoga. Welcome back! Thank you. Why did you stop coming? I couldn't decide if I liked yoga, or

Reasons to avoid training No. 2453

"If I had known I was going to evolve, I would have worked on my beach bod."

Candy Shop and Al's Gym:'We have heart-shaped candies' - 'We fix pear-shaped bodies'.

"You have to start exercising. Running your mouth, skipping breakfast, and jumping to conclusions doesn't count."

"My job is not as easy as it looks: You have to learn about astronomy and celestial mechanics to be able to accurately predict sunrise and sunset..."

Self-help videos: Buns of steel & Buns of brioche.

Athlete

"How much does it cost to buy a membership then never use it?"

'I don't mind you earning more money than I do, Gretchen, or driving a more expensive car, but do you have to bench press more than I do, too?'

Doggy aerobics class - 'All right...we'll start with some tail-chasing...'

'You know what they say. . . 'If your dog is fat - you aren't getting enough exercise.''

"As requested, we're going to go over you retirement fund, so, if at all possible, let's hold questions until I have finished and I'm out in the parking lot starting my car."

Young ladies playing 'Hare and hounds'.

"Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body. . ."