Fitness Ponderer T-Shirts

'I don't exercise religiously.'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Waiting for Pants

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

Totalitarian Humour

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

"Woah - random!"

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"Forget the future, tell me what happened to the past ten years."

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

'We could use more moving and shaking from you, Yomp, and less bobbing and weaving.'

'You know you're 40 when...'(women)

'This time last year you told me that I would meet a tall handsome stranger. Now I need his name and address.'

"I knew it was unnatural to jump that high out of water."

"This is going to ruin my ratio of protein to vegetables."

"I don't think I could fit another slice in...oh, hold on."

'This looks good. It's a six-hour special on how society is becoming too sedentary.'

"You know, lentils have twice as much protein per serving."

'Doctor, this is not what I had in mind when you said you were going to put me on an Exercise program.'

Proponent of 11-dimensional supergravity trying to diagram it.

"Are we talking about life style or orientation?"

This is a test of their cognitive skills, and that's a test of their patience. Waiting room.

"Leon rents out his time machine to people who have to go back and 'un-day' stuff that's now considered offensive."

'According to a recent issue of 'psychology today', all your fears are well founded.'

"Let's face it, you could back the wrong horse in a one-horse race!"

How To Sit When You Are A Kid

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

No man is an island ??" it just looks that way.