Fishy Excuse Maker Pillows

"Oh, come on, Mr. Waldner, you knew I was an angler when you hired me."

Fish talking about fisherman

Man to other about fish on wall: Heh - I use that size fish for bait!'

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'He's trying to talk them into giving themselves up!'

"You'll have to find another excuse. The vet said I should remove salt, fat and homework from my diet."

Homework flavored dog food

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"Fish needs bigger hole."

Procrastinator Hall of Fame

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"Sorry we’re late, but apparently the journey of 1,000 miles begins with 'I know a shortcut around this traffic'."

Lame Lines

'BEWARE OF DOG (eats homework)'

Assignments Due. The Russians hacked my homework.

'Who needs a measuring tape when you've got an imagination?'

'You always say you'll do things tomorrow. . . but you never do.'

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

"He's faking it to get out of school. Bring in his teacher and run some tests."

"My dog deleted my excuses app."

'Of course I've not dusted - you know I prefer a matt finish!'

"C'mon. I've been saving for a rainy day.''

"I figured by not doing my homework I'd lighten your workload by giving you one less paper to correct."

'It's a long story.'

'Can you stop giving me homework, Miss...My dog's putting on weight.'

'Jogging's too dangerous for me. I tried it once, and I rear-ended a mailman.'

"It was a huge topical depression bringing with it cyclonic winds, mountainous seas, severe flooding, and a damage bill of millions of dollars, mum!"

I'm sorry, but my life is just way too complicated to start dating anybody right now. I have a part-time job, basic cable and a very demanding cactus plant. ! !

This smart phone comes with excuses for not keeping in touch with your mother.

"The brakes still feel spongy to me."

"He's allergic to pond water."

My dog ate my flash drive, and that's where I stored my homework.

'Sleeping at my desk? Uh, no, I was just buffering.'