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"There weren't any more clown fishes at the pet shop, so they got me - a jester fish."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

"Hic. Gosh and begorrah!" "Wha?"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'It never fails. I offer a tiny bit of constructive criticism, and everybody accuses me of carping!'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

I knew from the starch we were a perfect mash.

Fisherman pulling out hook with sign on it saying 'Gone Swimmin'.

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

Weather forecast

"I'm going to start with the antipasta."

"Guac-A-Mole"

'The worst part is I'm afraid of the water.'

'I get a lot of job offers..'

What on earth are you doing? Well, you wanted battered sausage, didn't you?

"Like most of your proposals Pinkley ...it ain't gonna fly!"

"Blessed are the Greek, for they shall invent olive oil."

"I love your short-hand. It looks just like a page of wriggly worms!"

I was bitten by a radioactive bedbug – My superpower is getting a solid eight hours of sleep every night. Wow. So lucky.

"Just ignore them. They're summer people."

"The four seasons? Easy. Pepper, Salt, Mustard and Vinegar!"

"That's a silly magazine quiz, but I would say Frenchmen are leg-men..."

'We've isolated the gene for breadcrumbs!'

"We've ruled out Islamophobia and Homophobia. Let's turn to food phobias. How do you feel about Tilapia?"

"I suck!"

"I'm Eggspecting."

"Hello pathta."

Seasoned firewood

'Stop text-messaging your alphabet soup.'

Rabbit spraying 'Hare Spray' on head.

Whale Whale Whale.

Security Gourd