First-world Problem Humorist Pillows

"First the earthquake, then the flooding, and now we’re out of Nutella!!"

"Four hours study and the poor love still can't decide which luxury saloon to buy for himself."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"The Eggsorcist"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Glance Exchange

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"It's just a tree."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"How about a hand."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'The Lemming Book Store'

"I cross the road to forget."

'You can't come in here with that.'

Self Help / Elf Help.

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

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'Please keep in mind this is only a 'ruff' copy.'

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'