First Wife T-Shirts

'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one divorced me and the second one won't.'

Shepherd and eurydice

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Butterfly Woman

Larry's used art

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Gender Equality

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"His first out-of-body experience."

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

A young Don King

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

It's a Whole Field of Paisley!

"Talk nerdy to me."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Demure lady with gloves

"We've made great progress!"

International Women's Day

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

Lady of the Cake.

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'