First Term Paper Pillows

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

'I'm supposed to take a geography test and I can't find the right room!'

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

'I know the answer. I just need a moment to come to grips with it.'

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

"His first word was 'Dotcom'."

Dept. of History. This term paper doens't have any footnotes at all! I'm suffering from citer's block!

'He said his first words today - 'Let's sue them'.'

What's the big surprise? All the latest theories of linguistics say we're born with the innate capacity for generating sentences.

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

'What's the fist thing you're going to think of when your brain is fully formed?'

'Take it easy, the textbooks will be here. It's only August 30.'

"Wait, so his first whole sentence was 'I don't want to work, I just want to bang on the drum all day'?!"

Next semester I have "The Frito-lay

'I recorded this earlier today. . . they're his first intelligent words!'

'She said her first words today.'

"Lets watch a martial arts movie."

"‘How I Spent My Summer Vacation in a Freaking Gymnastics Camp and Nearly Broke My Neck,’ by Delia McConnell."

Starving Philosophy student grappling with the question of the toast in the machine.

'He said his first words today - 'dividend reinvest'.'

"My essay is titled Essay: Educational Tool or Tired Cliche?"

Baby Crossword Puzzle.

"He started talking yesterday. It didn't take him long to start a podcast."

"Term paper?! How do we do that? We haven't done a term paper all year!"

Essay Paper.

"I was hoping her first sentence would be, 'I love you, mommy.' Not, 'what's the Wi-Fi password?'"

'Yes, doctor, I sang to her constantly as a baby. Her first words were ‘Gimme Ipod'.'

Getting Published