First Date Fiasco Fan T-Shirts

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

In Desperate Straits.

'Eloise! Come back! I was just going to show you some of the equipment we use in veterinary school...'

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

"What's the problem? I said dinner and a movie."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

"I never understand what you're trying to say."

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

"I like long walks on the beach and beautiful sunsets, too...but who are you?"

'Hi, I'm Raoul...I shall be your talking point of the evening.'

Man wearing t-shirt with "As seen" slogan

"Once again, Dave blew the date when his instincts got the better of his etiquette."

Your shoulders are like silk. For some reason, when my skin crawls, it feels smooth.

Nailed him on the first date.

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.

"Would you ask the chef to hurry? We're running out of conversation."

'It is so nice going out with a man who isn't weird.'

"So now I guess I'll have to meet your friends."

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

"Well, would you like to tell me anything about you now or shall I carry on where I left off?"

Duncan made a real faux pas when he heard that his blind date was expecting a baby.

I brought a little ice breaker.'

'Enough about me...let's talk about what's on your mind.'

"A MacArthur, the lecture circuit, and thou!"

Social Issues.

"The odd thing is that I'm not really a cat person."

'What I'm about to say, Miss Pomeroy, may shock and disgust you....'

'Oh, sorry. I guess I forgot to mention we're going to a nudist resort.' (Another memorable first date for Jennifer.)