Awkward First Dater T-Shirts

"Well, would you like to tell me anything about you now or shall I carry on where I left off?"

"Would you ask the chef to hurry? We're running out of conversation."

'Eloise! Come back! I was just going to show you some of the equipment we use in veterinary school...'

Speed Dating for Turtles

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

In Desperate Straits.

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

"If it's all the same to you, Kevin, I'd like to continue observing the six-foot-rule."

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

"I like long walks on the beach and beautiful sunsets, too...but who are you?"

Man wearing t-shirt with "As seen" slogan

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

'But enough about my interiority, how about you?'

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

The Adventures of Morton

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'You two will have lots in common - you share the same anxiety neurosis.'

Nethead strip: Dates

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

'I've never felt like this on a first date, Tom, you're suffocating me.'

"Once again, Dave blew the date when his instincts got the better of his etiquette."

'Don't look now Muriel. But that Polyphemus guy has been giving you the eye all night.'

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.