First Aid Practitioner T-Shirts

Monk applying plasters in the shape of a cross.

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

First aid in mountains

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'You've got, like, a Feng Shui problem with your pancreas, dude.'

With Wally the hermit crab showing no signs of life, Shirley yields to her kids' pleas and performs mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

"Looks like your Yang is on the move again."

A fire extinguisher box with band aids in them has a sign above with reads, "In case you cut yourself breaking glass break this glass."

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

If all else falls...Mom's Chicken Soup

'Can't you give the dummy mouth to mouth without getting romantically involved Mrs Wilks?'

'Have you tried a licensed health practicioner?'

First aid departments

"Time to administer scout leader first aid protocol..."

Resusci Annie takes a well-earned vacation.

Shaman reads magazine entitled 'Witch Doctor'.

"Honey! What's wrong. . . Mommy get you a band-aid!"

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

'I hope you all appreciate the irony in this.'

First Aid Box

Crashed Aliens - "Miss Fortnum, come in here immediately..and bring the first aid kit."

Acupuncture clinic

Witch Doctor

I was coughing, Frank - I didn't need the Heimlich.

"Mrs. Barnes is to have a complete head-to-toe – she's to be the victim in a bandage-instruction class."

Medical Supplies

"My God, now what?"

Extreme Naturopathic Medicine.

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

'Don't you people ever take a pulse? ! '

"Next time you give CPR try not to use your tongue."

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

Man who hits finger and screams for help has his mouth bound up instead of his finger by unsympathetic wife.

"Nah, he doesn't need the Heimlich. I just don't like his tip."