Fire Service Worker Gifts

Hose Tangle

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

Woman escapes with cats.

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

"I came as soon as I got the message!"

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"Oh we're fine, my husbands just learning to cook during the quarantine."

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

The New Normal

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"Wow, these e-readers take forever to burn..."

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

A fire extinguisher box with band aids in them has a sign above with reads, "In case you cut yourself breaking glass break this glass."

"The third leading cause of forest fires."

Buddy hadn't learned from the time his tongue got stuck.

"These are the environmentalists who set the Amazon forest on fire!"

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"Billy's room gets cleaned for free! The cleaning service uses it to train employees how to clean a hazardous waste dump."

Professor Algarth Zag, pioneer in fire research.

Don't worry, the first 30 years as a paramedic are the hardest.