Fine Print Detective Pillows

'There's really no need for confusion with this Medicare stuff. Page 95, section 33, paragraph L in the instructions quite clearly says ... '

Restaurant - Free lunch!* *plus $29.95 service charge for shipping and handling.

"You'll find it on page 46, paragraph 23, clause 18 of your contract under 'any other business'"

Contract Mouse Trap

Same Day Glasses - "They'll be ready in a month. It's not my fault you couldn't read the fine print."

"The fine print, in the contract, can be read only if held up to a mirror."

"You may read the small print Mr Hill, but you obviously didn't read the microscopic print!"

'What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.'

"I'm sorry, sir, but if you weren't wearing clean underwear we automatically deny your claim."

"What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away."

"I'm sorry. This is part of our topsy-turvy promotion."

'You didn't read the small print. 'Must be accompanied by both parents...''

"I wouldn't bother reading any of the fine print. It'll only depress you."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Binkman, but if you look closely, your policy with us is for otter insurance, not auto insurance. By the way, your otter wasn't hurt in the accident, was he?"

"Our insurance policy was Teflon coated... Nothing sticks."

'The fine print can be read only if held up to a mirror.'

'Any pre-existing illnesses?'

'I've brought my attorney along to read the small print.'

You're covered for any surgery caused by a D.I.Y. project...as long as you do the surgery yourself.

Nice idea. I see you've made the small print smaller.

"If you look closely you'll see that your three year guarantee only applies to the years 1968 to 1971."

"You didn't actually read all your user agreements before clicking 'agree', did you?"

Fine Print Letters

'I'm sorry, sir, but you can't use your frequent-flier miles because one of our blackout dates,,,'

"OK, let's see. For starters, the guarantee only covers the muffler."

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

'Read the small print finely.'

Shipping contract.

ACME INSURANCE COMPANY, 'Of course, the death benefits don't apply if it's the Government that kills you.'

"I guess you should have read the fine print on that tag before you ripped it off the mattress."

Bank. Loan Officer. Hey, wait a minute! This is a "perverse" mortgage!

Boss, does my workers' compensation package cover early onset eye wrinkles? Of course. That's covered, along with gray hair, receding hairline, aches in your joints … all the usual sign of aging. It's all covered by your workers' compensation. For each affliction, you're supposed to compensate me, your boss, in the amount of $10 per week. I really should've read the fine print on my contract. You didn't? There was a $10 not-reading-the-fine-print clause in there.

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

All produce locally grown... in this hemisphere

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"