Financial Reader Gifts

'My mentor and role model was a frequent flyer.'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

'Stocks rose on the rumor that the market is mostly rumor-driven.'

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

Saving for College.

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'

'I'm feeling absolutely marvelous. I think I'll acquire another company.'

'Don't worry dear, I made a bundle shorting your failing financial services company'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

"This guy might like fiddling with numbers, Dad – but is he any good at sums?"

"The good news is that profits are up 76%. . . The BAD news is that costs are up 83%."

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

"Before anyone gets too optimistic this is a chart of our corporate indebtedness."

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

'Don't worry, he'll soon grow into it.'

Investment analyst Renald P. is going to frighten the market.

"The treasury has hacked into his computer and asked for ideas to solve the deficit"

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'