Financial Newsreader Gifts

'Well, another year, another dollar.' 'Yeah, as soon as one of us gets a job that pays that much.'

Mario Draghi

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Businessman uses yoga moves while reviewing financial news on computer

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"My tariffs will move the world in a new direction!!"

'It's our own consumer confidence test. Throw some nickels out and if they're picked up in 5 minutes confidence is really low!'

'The recession is over, again.'

Early Attempt at Quantitative Easing.

"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark

The symbol for the euro (?) depicted as the wheel of a wheelchair, symbolising the state of the currency

"And then, like an idiot, I turned to the boss and said 'Maybe the stock market isn't the only thing that's been overvalued!'"

"Up market, down market - he's still the same old curmudgeon."

"This just in... All new Euro notes are to be printed on Greece-proof paper."

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

"Which way up do you want it?"

Giant merger.

'U.S. stocks surged on news that the government they all hate won't go out of business.'

World Financial Mafia

"Since when did economists become sociologists?!"

'I follow my dad's stocks so I know when to ask for an allowance increase.'

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

'The Dow has shot up 2.5% on positive data on housing - until five minutes from now, when it'll be interpreted differently.'

'Stocks rose, then dropped on news that life is full of highs and lows.'

'Stocks fell on the news that whatever can go wrong, usually does go wrong.'

'Wouldn't it be easier if the banks simply merged with the Inland Revenue?'

'I hear it's a grudge match between the three of them.'

The market went up and down, up and down, up and down...

'He used to swear by the stock market. Now he swears at it.'

'Skip the comics. Let's get on to the financial page.'

NEWS WEATHER SPORTS

"It's five post meridiem in Central Europe. Compliled form the major networks the news is next."