Financial Newsreader Gifts

'Well, another year, another dollar.' 'Yeah, as soon as one of us gets a job that pays that much.'

Mario Draghi

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Businessman uses yoga moves while reviewing financial news on computer

'It's our own consumer confidence test. Throw some nickels out and if they're picked up in 5 minutes confidence is really low!'

"My tariffs will move the world in a new direction!!"

'The recession is over, again.'

Early Attempt at Quantitative Easing.

"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark

The symbol for the euro (?) depicted as the wheel of a wheelchair, symbolising the state of the currency

"And then, like an idiot, I turned to the boss and said 'Maybe the stock market isn't the only thing that's been overvalued!'"

"This just in... All new Euro notes are to be printed on Greece-proof paper."

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

"We do have on item the internet hasn't already beaten into the ground, ad nauseam."

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

"Up market, down market - he's still the same old curmudgeon."

"Which way up do you want it?"

Giant merger.

World Financial Mafia

'I follow my dad's stocks so I know when to ask for an allowance increase.'

'U.S. stocks surged on news that the government they all hate won't go out of business.'

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

"Since when did economists become sociologists?!"

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

'Stocks rose, then dropped on news that life is full of highs and lows.'

'The Dow has shot up 2.5% on positive data on housing - until five minutes from now, when it'll be interpreted differently.'

'Stocks fell on the news that whatever can go wrong, usually does go wrong.'

'Wouldn't it be easier if the banks simply merged with the Inland Revenue?'

The market went up and down, up and down, up and down...

" ... and markets closed lower today on news that markets would close lower today."

'Skip the comics. Let's get on to the financial page.'

NEWS WEATHER SPORTS

"It's five post meridiem in Central Europe. Compliled form the major networks the news is next."