Financial Projection Pillows

"The economic modeling of our economic modeling suggests we need to remodel...."

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

European currency on the edge.

Day trading.

ACME Balloon Company.

'Call the boss! We're in trouble!'

Business is off the chart.

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

"I love your optimism."

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

"I don't like the look of this."

"Well, there's nowhere to go but up."

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

"Oh, I can't complain"

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

"It will be all your fault."

'I need a tool to measure productivity.'

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

"This is where things started getting really weird."

"We have reason to believe there may be some volatility in the fourth quarter."

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'I think you'll find these projections somewhat exaggerated, but in a good way.'

'That is correct on so many levels Jenkins!'

Melissa's Mark Prediction Service