Financial Projection Pillows

"The economic modeling of our economic modeling suggests we need to remodel...."

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

European currency on the edge.

Day trading.

'Call the boss! We're in trouble!'

ACME Balloon Company.

Business is off the chart.

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

"I love your optimism."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

"Well, there's nowhere to go but up."

"I don't like the look of this."

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

"Oh, I can't complain"

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

"It will be all your fault."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'I need a tool to measure productivity.'

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

"This is where things started getting really weird."

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'I think you'll find these projections somewhat exaggerated, but in a good way.'

Melissa's Mark Prediction Service

'That is correct on so many levels Jenkins!'