Financial Pessimist Pillows

'New Years Resolution: !. Don't collude with bankers to drag the world to the edge of financial Armageddon....

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

The glass is half full. - '' - 'The glass is half empty' - '' - 'Gah!! No clean glasses!!' - '' -

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

Tom's last day.

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

"Everything in your life has gone smoothly. That's a violation of Murphy's law."

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

The End is Near art gallery opening.

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

"Die alone"

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

Glass Half Empty and Glass Half Full.

Deposits Insured By The U.S. Government (which has a $29 Trillion Debt).

'There was a mild outbreak of optimism all over the world today, but it's not expected to last.'

"I just want enough to get out of the country, and disappear forever."

'Turned out nice again.'

see no evil...hear no evil...SEC can't even spell evil

"The scariest part is knowing that someday something'll come along that will make us go, 'Even the spider mutants weren't this bad.' "

This will be a banner day for you!

"How do we know this isn't a ponzi scheme?"

"Ambitions... to be proved wrong."

'Actually, trickle-down economics is over with ? what you hear now is the sound of special interests drooling.'

Trouble at the U.S. Federal Reserve.

'So when I couldn't pay the mortgage, the bank offered me this rescue package!'