Financial Paradox Enthusiast Gifts

"We managed to make ends meet."

British savings accounts

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

Out of control

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

How should I know up or down? All I heard was the FT was 74.95.

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

Budget Cuts

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'

"I see you have the latest in accounting software."

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

"If all countries are in debt, who's got all the money?"

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

'I can understand Heisenberg's equation and Schrodinger's equation for quantum mechanics but I cannot understand derivative trading.'

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

A man notices the Chase logo has turned into snakes eating themselves."

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

'Please remember that these figures could be off by as much as two dollars.'

'Business is very good. We'll soon be moving to smaller premises.'

"Your condition appears to have deteriorated considerably since your last cheque bounced."

"I don't recall ever hearing the stockholders speak with such a unified voice as they did today!"

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

'I'm just finishing denying the rumors of our impending bankruptcy to the press. Got those bankruptcy papers ready?'

Business men's lunches: Tycoons ?25, On the way downers ?2.50.

Financial Bailout Required.