Financial Paradox Enthusiast Gifts

"We managed to make ends meet."

British savings accounts

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

Out of control

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

How should I know up or down? All I heard was the FT was 74.95.

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

Budget Cuts

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

"If all countries are in debt, who's got all the money?"

"I see you have the latest in accounting software."

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

'I can understand Heisenberg's equation and Schrodinger's equation for quantum mechanics but I cannot understand derivative trading.'

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

A man notices the Chase logo has turned into snakes eating themselves."

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

"Your condition appears to have deteriorated considerably since your last cheque bounced."

Business men's lunches: Tycoons ?25, On the way downers ?2.50.

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

Financial Bailout Required.

'Business is very good. We'll soon be moving to smaller premises.'

"It's a bill."

'Please remember that these figures could be off by as much as two dollars.'

"I don't recall ever hearing the stockholders speak with such a unified voice as they did today!"

'I'm just finishing denying the rumors of our impending bankruptcy to the press. Got those bankruptcy papers ready?'