Financial Misadventure Fan Pillows

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

Greek Crisis

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

Golden bubbles

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

Black hole-in-the-wall at Jodrell Bank

'It's a deal, for $15 an hour, I'll stand in front of your office.'

'I called you in here because your expenses and contributions appear to be quite elaborate!'

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

"Well, I guess the bubble has burst over at Phillips Rodny Associates."

"Will the current economic trend end in a whimper or a bang? For answers, let's turn to tonight's guests!"

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

The Apprentice: Recession Special.

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

"In this company, GDP stands for gree, deception and profit."

'The new phone system automatically shuts down if someone says we owe them money.'

'But hey, it's only money.'

'First time skiing?'

"After years of low level burglaries, Robin Hood started to steal from the rich using a sophisticated Ponzi scheme."

'Here's a hundred bucks -- now, you give me $101.37.'

'Everyone is Economizing.'

Conrad Black loots Hollinger International.

'Are you sure it's necessary to sign this part declaring 'all information is true and correct to the best of my knowledge'?.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'The red phone is my grapevine to Andrea Mitchenll, who hears it firsthand from Alan Greenspan, who hears it first from Ben Bernanke.'

"Maybe what's good for Wall Street isn't good for Main Street, but it's great for Tribeca."

'You're too late...I embezzled it.'

'Pension fund performance, please give generously.'