Financial Jest Enthusiast Pillows

'Have you tried s****ing yourself?'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

"I think I just solved my cash flow problem."

Shop struggles to sell books about recession: '90 per cent off on all credit crunch books' (Titles incluude: Beat the Crunch! Who's to Blame? We're all Doomed!)

Loan Alley

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

Why markets crash.

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

Kids ask repetitively: 'Is the recession over yet?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

"Allow me to introduce Recession. Recession is here to stay."

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

Jumping Wall Street.

Practical loans vs. devil-may-care loans.

"Did you hear that that bastard McMinney has buggered of to work for Bank of America!"

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'

Tempest in a Teapot

"We balanced our budget this month!"

'Does it bother you that we have all the money?'

Money Plant.

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."