Financial Horror Fan Gifts

'It was a dark and stormy closing bell...'

'Now that I have your attention...'

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

Loan Alley

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

'This is where we go to get away from it all. . . except for Stanley's money.'

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

Jumping Wall Street.

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

Born to raise interest rates.

Greek Crisis

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

'And this just in from the stock market... buy, sell, buy, sell, buy, sell, buy!'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

Golden bubbles

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

First United Church of Outrageously Overlimited Credit Card Holders

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

Overdraft limit.

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

I am billing, therefore I am.

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

'It's a deal, for $15 an hour, I'll stand in front of your office.'

"We're a hedge fund, Mr Marney, so I'm putting your allocation at 30% stocks, 30% bonds, and 40% bushes."

'Then one day Ralph decided there isn't anything more important than money, and became a day trader.'