Financial Horror Fan Gifts

'It was a dark and stormy closing bell...'

'Now that I have your attention...'

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

Loan Alley

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'This is where we go to get away from it all. . . except for Stanley's money.'

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"

Jumping Wall Street.

Born to raise interest rates.

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

Greek Crisis

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

'And this just in from the stock market... buy, sell, buy, sell, buy, sell, buy!'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

First United Church of Outrageously Overlimited Credit Card Holders

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

Overdraft limit.

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

Golden bubbles

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

I am billing, therefore I am.

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

'My micro is so good it's beginning to grow into the macro.'

"We're a hedge fund, Mr Marney, so I'm putting your allocation at 30% stocks, 30% bonds, and 40% bushes."