Financial Holiday Guru Gifts

'The New York stock exchange is up twelve and a half points n early trading. Nasdaq is down on and a quarter!'

Tree in Dollar Shape.

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"I know it's not an ideal situation, Samantha, but how else are we going to afford a 160 gigabyte laptop, a top of the range mobile and a Playstation 3 for the kids presents?"

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

Advent Calender.

'Could I have the traditional Christmas dinner but without meat or dairy and could guarantee it's organic and GM free.'

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

'Times are hard so these will have to be presents for Christmas and birthday combined!'

Christmas escape plan

'Does Santa have skype?. . . I'd like to get in some face time, so he puts me at the top of his list come December. . .'

The boy who took his piggy bank to the drive thru bank

"I am in a buying mood, but I still can't afford to buy anything."

"We'd like to go somewhere that qualifies as a tax deduction."

'Stocks tumbled on the news Santa's credit rating was downgraded.'

"Every holiday I disable his Internet. It keeps his mind off us."

The only sound preventative health advice for holiday eating.

Last week revisited. Uncle Mort, want to come over to my place for Thanksgiving? Can't. Sadie and I are having it at her place. How nice of you. What? I'd love to. What can I bring? Beautifully played, no? She'll kill me. I'd love to. How nice.

"I'm the ghost of christmas past due."

"Oh dear, Mr. Kringle. I fear we may have to put you on our naughty list."

"Santa's workshopping"

"He gave me a complete checkup form head to wallet."

"I'm out! I got a job at another Santa Claus company!"

A green man sitting on a beach imagining selling toys online

'How about a Santa Claus stock rally this year?'

Santa Mario Draghi - European Central Bank.

'I've got the children busy finding a solution to the Middle East crisis...'

"Every year I give my grandparents the same thing. . . a list of everything I want for Christmas."