Financial Follies Pillows

'The only investment I'd suggest is that you rent a van, then put your office equipment in and take it to the pawn shop.'

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

Ponzi-Mat Vending Machine

Benefit mistakes cost one billion a year. Well in our defence we did get a lot of the numbers correct,they just weren't in the right order.

"Yes, we're a letterbox company. How can I help you?"

Sign on door of company cafeteria of financial services company says: 'Do not feed the bears'.

I spent it all under the silly notion that it was all mine.

'George has us well diversified. We own every stock in the Misfortune 500.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

'I sympathize, but you can't file for mortgage forclosure. It has to be bankruptcy.'

'And then I said, 'So sue me!'...'

Bankruptcy court

You have 17 creditors that won't get paid this month. Eighteen, including yourself.

"You should have come to me sooner."

I'm sorry, Mr. Higgins is out right now with his bag of salt looking for an open wound.

Greece & EU

'Today stocks tumbled on the rumor that there is no Santa Claus.'

"This guy makes big money, but every penny goes to support his opulent life style. Let's give him a break."

"May I be frank as to why we're reluctant to add you to our sales force, Mr. Ponzi?"

Junk bonds, inc. InOut trays.

"If there's discrepancies in my tax returns, don't blame me. Blame the guy in the alley I paid $20 to do them."

'It's a foreclosure notice from our bank - along with an application for a new credit card.'

Please wait to be cheated.

'What do you want the money for?'

"Your company has gone bankrupt and you've been imprisoned because we gave you bad info? Didn't your mom ever teach you not to trust strangers?"

'We had a clogged sink in the men's lavatory. I had to call in a Plumber.'

"The tax authority wants to hide someone from their witness protection program here. They think it'll be safe because no one would look for an honest accountant at our company."

'According to our bank statement, they're broke.'

'Should I ask for a raise?' 'Don't bother, the firm's going under!'

'What do you mean overdrawn...I still have twelve cheques left!'