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The Decline of the Euro.

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

'Well, son... I've made my first million by selling my unpaid bills to the paper-recycling guy!'

"Any questions?" (Company's down the toilet.)

Black hole-in-the-wall at Jodrell Bank

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

"He was expecting a golden handshake."

"For someone your age, the yearly premium on a $5,000 policy is $8,000."

"We're going to sacrifice you to the gods, son, because it's so much cheaper than college."

"You never express your emotions. You're very blank."

"The government wants us to wear these bonus hazard suits."

In a Kitchen Cupboard, somewhere on Wall St...fortunes changed!!

"It's our bank with some disturbing news. . . someone hacked into our account and paid all our bills."

'I had to co-pay for the bagel.'

'Ask your doctor if investing in the market is right for you.'

"Someday, gentlemen, I promise you - the heady days of 'Come a ti yi yippie yippie yay' will be back."

"Habits like insider-trading die hard with Mr. Bradby"

Heeeres Alistair (Darling).

'You mean there's no money back guaranteed if I'm not satisfied?'

'My attorney will explain why calling it a 'bear market' makes me a victim of profiling.'

"I wanted to pay my tax with a smile...but the inland revenue insisted I gave them cash."

Dear Sir, You have been charged £35 for under-use of your bank account. . .

The First $ I ever worshipped.

'He's had a much healthier attitude to our financial woes since he started taking prescription anti-depressants.'

'You mean we're not bankrupt?'

'I'm Robin Hood. I take from the rich and I give to the poor, the I.R.S. and my two ex-wives.'

'Today another financial firm went kerflooey and here with us is an expert to explain the economic impact of 'Kerflooey.''

'I'd like to roll my account over.', 'We're not responsible for any breakage, you know.'

'. . . It's not a bribe, it's a personalised stimulus package.'

"I won't be able to handle your account anymore, as it suddenly appears that you're a small investor.'