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'. . . It's not a bribe, it's a personalised stimulus package.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Loan Alley

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

Jumping Wall Street.

Pizza time.

"While you were out, Mr. Sundberg, the little hand went from the one to the three."

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

"I have the profit sharing figures. You owe the company �2,367.25."

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

In case of falling markets break glass.

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

...your sales are rather anemic

The Decline of the Euro.

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

Federal Guidelines

News and Magazines. Record Debt. Dollar Down. How can the dollar be weak when we've been giving it such a good workout?

'I never question your ability. I never even mention it.'

"Any questions?" (Company's down the toilet.)

Bank Cuts Jobs. . . Employees in Need!

'Greece is up for auction on eBay - and there's no bidders.'

"At least we no longer have the pressure of handling so much money."

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

Black hole-in-the-wall at Jodrell Bank

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

Department of Unrealistic Dividend Earnings: 'We realize it is an unnecessary department but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

"He was expecting a golden handshake."

'Can I help? You bet your bottom dollar I can.'