Financial Assistance Gifts

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

Pinara fund

First aid departments

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

'It's a private school. Can't say which one, it's private.'

"To me..It says Art Council crap regional funding"

"...then click 'save settings', scroll down to 'done' and voila! You're on Facebook stalking Miriam's daughter's new husband."

'This book's useless - it just tells me to loosen her clothing...'

"I worry about the parents when I'm off to college. They're totally dependent on me for IT support."

"Siri, am I ready to take a look at the dessert menu?"

Grants Office Scientific Research Section.

'Here's where we went wrong - you applied for chapter 11, but you only qualify for chapter 6!'

"Higher learning gets higher each year."

'I think maybe the spell checker wore out.'

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

Don Z. And His User-Friendly Apartment

"Formula for the new product?" "No, that's our grant going down the drain!"

Made Possible By A Grant...

'Oh. Our research grant has finally come through.'

'True, the Ezra Yomp Scholarship is very generous, but you have to be a capricorn to apply.'

'I'm so bad with money, I never know how much I have in the bank unless I shake it and count what falls out.'

'Of course, the really big money is in junk science.'

"It's not the grant we expected, but it's better than a kick in the pants."

"Your mom and I fully support you in your pursuit of a college education...but...it's just gotten too costly and we're not going to fund you after this semester."

"I had a dream that a rich guy came to campus and paid off our student loans."