Financial Alchemist Gifts

"Accounting tricks didn't work, so we had to resort to witchcraft."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

The day the stock market went UP.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Great Chinese Dynasties

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

The president's men

A fight in the Boardroom.

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

Mario Draghi

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Spot the difference.

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

"We only got six days of funding."