Finance's Magical Mind Pillows

School of Wizardry and Creative Accounting.

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

'Oh, wait. There's a note. It says; Fill her up with euros.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

Man feeding fish banks with money, not food.

"Your assets will be frozen? Oh, boy, is it going to snow?"

Business Philosophy 101.

"Don't forget, the market will take a sharp downturn on the stroke of midnight."

'I can't make ends meet, let alone justify the means.'

'Once upon a time, in a faraway land with a budget surplus...'

"Well, I thought of it as an innovative economic stimulus package, but the jury insisted on calling it securities fraud!"

'Are you interested in a fixed income annuity with guaranteed safety of principal and substantial income for life?'

'This is going to hurt, I'm afraid. . .I can't afford to pay.'

'That's all for now. We'll find out if our hero emerges from Chapter 11 tomorrow.'

Business Fairy Tales.

Transactional Relationship Manager

"The stock market hit 50,000 and everyone lived happily ever after."

Bank manager with no business has tumbleweed blowing into office.

"Just think, your student loan may outlive you."

"Profit, loss, why must you all make everything so complicated?"

"A Penny for your Thoughts."

Financial Wizards Hat.

Symbols of Wall St.

'We advise all of our clients not to hire the most brilliant managers. Risk varies inversely with knowledge, otherwise there would be many more wealthy university professors.'

Remember, Art, statistics, credits and debits are in the eye of the manipulator.

"I don't understand why people don't trust our figures...I mean we've gone over them..again and again. All three of us!"

"I've looked at all the options and there's no pension plan we can afford that will look after us in old age. . ."

"The accountant is here to see you Mr Smith."

"It's never too early to start pension planning."

Balance of Payments Deficit.

'What else do you do?'

Feeding the Euro

Square Peg, Inc: 'We're living in a roundhole economy.'

Workers' buy-out? How ridiculous!...