Finance Fun Haver Gifts

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

'All those in favor of requesting a government bailout, say 'Karl Marx'.'

Looks like another profit's warning

Fortune cookies based on various business magazines.

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

'He's not here right now. He's out pumping iron.'

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"That was a rumor day."

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

We only have two things to fear - fear itself and someone getting a look at our books.

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

'Till debt do us part...'

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

'He, also, rebounded our stocks with our endorsement deal.'

'My investment club had morphed into a support group.'

'I've heard of cooking the books... but how did you rotisserie them and why?'

"Sorry, the only way we can afford a 3D printer, is if it can print some bearer bonds."

'Does he do anything besides watch the money?'

'My Dad won't let me tell what I did on my summer vacation...he doesn't want anyone to know where he set up his offshore bank accounts.'

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

Masochism for stockholders.

"The downside of living in the wild is that I need to shear myself now. Boy, do I now appreciate the skill professional shearers have: it's hard!"

"I asked my investment advisor for something that was low cost, easy to manage, and also functions on its own. He suggested an index fund or a robo vac."

'Oh my god! We've been the victims of cyber crime. . . someone on the other side of the world has paid all our bills.'

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

'I'd like to extend my overdraft...'

"So easy a caveman did do it."

Snowman in front of IRS wears barrel