Film Reviewer T-Shirts

The new Avengers movie is going to be better than the new X-Men movie because it's not about saving the whole world. Yeah. People are tired of blockbusters where the fate of the whole world is at stake. That's why "The Martian" did so well. It was only about the fate of Matt Damon and his potato garden. I want to see a movie where aliens try to conquer Venus and nobody cares. We really should have our own movie review show.

Space Commando Revenge. Special Effects Extravaganza. It's definitely a "must see" movie … Particularly since there's no dialogue.

The F – K stops here

"Bond James, Bond."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Benedict Cumberbatch

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

Herman Mankiewicz

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Now Playing: One of those Jane Austen movies."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"It turns out that if you give a hundred monkeys a hundred typewriters, eventually they'll turn out the work of Tarantino."

"Bloody hell!"

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? A scene from an Esther Williams movie.

Film Festival. Events. Screenings. Ernie attends these festivals in costume. He's gone over to the dork side!

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

Censors 'no' a good thing when they see it.

"Why didn't you simply open the window?"

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

Standard endings for sci-fi movies...

'It was great. I hated it.'

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

No, this is the red lagoon, the black one is down the road a bit.

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

The Beard in the Stone

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'