Film And Cinema Prints

'Spinach: The Prequel'

NATO Theater: Now showing Ukraine, a snuff film, directed by Vlad Putin.

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Benedict Cumberbatch

Director/Action Man toy.

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Herman Mankiewicz

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

No-Work Orange

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

Horror movies

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

Comedy Cafe

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

Stand-up Romcom

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."