Filing A Lawsuit Pillows

"Your husband died from medical malpractice, but it may comfort you to know that brain surgery is always risky...even when the doctor doesn't have a hangover."

Trial by Media

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'What'll it be?'

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

I'm afraid neatness doesn't count, Mrs Wilson

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

Sue The Bastards

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"This pesky decimal point seems to give you quite a bit of trouble."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"Manafort's was the best flip yet."

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

'After counsel said, 'You did it', the defendant said, 'Did not', followed by a, 'Did too'. . .'

'Must you be so judgemental?'