Field Joker Pillows

Stretcher Header.

'Your shoe's untied.'

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

'People have been known to lose an eye when a wink goes seriously wrong.'

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

Man sees half-eaten 'Do Not Feed the Bears' sign

Wilfried Zaha

"I don't care if your mother is watching on telly, just get the ball in the net!"

Professional football.

"Look, I'm the bobblehead of this team."

Boy: 'DAD, the lawnmower's started SMOKING again!'

'Jim I don't think you have quite go this 'Iron Man Challenge' thing.'

'Team spirit, my ass.'

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

Spiked Ball

'It was Bob's last wish to spread his ashes on the spot where he spent most of his athletic career.'

'Keep popping those tops, Sammy! Draw that buck in a little closer and then we'll jump him!'

"You're not going to eat me are you? Have you never heard of mad worm disease?"

'Sheep happens.'

'I come from a long line of Sunday roasts...'

Soccer and pandemic

"He cost a million pounds, they should've spent another tenner on a pair of glasses."

"A million prayers a day with not a single self-addressed stamped envelope. And they wonder why there's never an answer."

Kev's initial excitement as the club's new Sweeper suddenly dwindled.

Priest shouting to drunken man

Dibs!

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Pirate and His Peg Legs.