Fictional Persona Fan Gifts

My Spam Sketchbook

Silence of the Chickens...

Tarzan of the damn dirty apes.

What're you doing today, Darlene? Power relaxing. 9 to 10:15 I'm reading the paper. 10:20 to 11:30 I'm getting my nails done while reading Catch 22 for my books club. 11:45 to 1, I'm eating lunch, catching up on calls, paying bills then kicking back on the couch from 1 to 1:15. The afternoon is sheer bliss. Yoga from 2-3, Pilates from 3-4, massage from 4-5, meditation 5-6. Now move. Please now! You're interfering with my relaxing. How the type-A spend their Sundays. 10:02, bathroom break. Everyo

"He'd make a wonderful main character for a short story, but I wouldn't put up with him for an entire novel."

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Halloween sculptor

"Look on the dark side."

The reserved and the go-ers.'

"Tarzan sad. . . me just find out me adopted!"

'If you want them balanced, it'll be an extra 250 dollars.'

She was always an introvert.

"Of course I'm being 'catty'."

Doctor Jekyll as a child.

"Yeah, I see the outgoing calls, but what about the introverted ones?"

Man convinced by a flattering character sketch

"Wait a second - you're not the Invisible Man. You're just three invisible kids in a trench coat."

'These upcoming negotiations are going to be rough Jekyll, son you better send Hyde.'

'It's a side effect of giving up smoking.'

"We didn't have these cushy escalators when I was a calf. No siree. We had to jump. And I still have the scars to prove it. Wanna see 'em?"

'My mad scientist doesn't understand me!'

Henry Moore

"Must be some kind of cult movie."

Ask Sadie. Sadie, I have a temper. Whenever someone defies me, I get angry. Please advise. - Hot Temper. *Actual reader questions. You're right you have a problem. Don't get angry when someone defies you. Get angry even when they agree with you! Where do readers come up with this nonsense? Get taunting advice at asksadieshow@gmail.com

Market. Cheeses. Trouble in the case, Ernie? Yeah, four of the cheeses are disliked by the others. The bleu cheese is always depressed and ruins any fun they try to have. The limburger is condescending - it thinks "sharpest" means "smartest." The low-fat cheese won't stop bragging about being the most fit and attractive. And there's a problem with the Swiss too? Yeah, it has a holier-than-thou attitude.

Camouflage Waldo

"Well, if you can't accept me as I really am, have you seen my Facebook page?"

Jemaine Clement

Home/work masks.

Public Speaking Shoes

"Low ones first...then we'll have you back on the high ones in now time..."

Johnny Paycheck thinking of his stage name.

"Sweet? I thought you wanted someone with edge."

'You may not believe this, but even though we're siamese twins, our personalities are quite different.'

Bloggers Anonymous.