Festive Fortune Tellers Gifts

'I see lots of soot!'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"Why bother?"

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Asking out a palm reader.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Quantum Psychic

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

Channelling on the Cheap

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

Pie Filling Reader

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."