Festive Feaster Gifts

'After that 24 hour beer and fruit cake binge, you need a radical detox!'

"We had this last year."

The need to run from the table screaming, has reached it's peak about an hour ago and has now subsided into a tolerable level of anguish where I only occasionally want to smash a fork into my eye socket. . .

Turducken, Piecaken, Scaletalkin'

Wife leaving note 'midnight mass' on husbands distended stomache as she leaves house.

Too full after after Christmas dinner!

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to cancel your Thanksgiving."

"He's say's he's eaten 200,000,000 mince pies, drank 150,000,000 glasses of wine, eaten 300,000,000..."

"Venison... why do you ask?"

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Flight attendant piloting Santa's sleigh.

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

Christmas Pets

'Ya gotta love the way this farmer gets into Halloween spirit.'

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

Santa Dog

Hold those deer to you near to you this Christmas.

Classic Emojis for sale.

"Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped insisting on your uncle Bill being here for Christmas?"

Easter Egg Delivery

"We'll see how it goes. It's Santa's first year with the genetically modified deer."

"When it comes to turkeys, Mom, you sure know your stuff-ing."

O Christmas Tea

Merry Kissmas

"I didn't get anything I asked for last year so I want your acceptance of this year's list to be notarized."

Snowman carrot substitute.

Thanksgiving Feast. Get lots of turkey, but not too much of you'll have to take a pause at the nap box. I'm skipping the cranberries and going for the green beans and the potatoes. I'm at the stuffing now and getting bonus points for extra gravy! Hey! There's a shortcut through the corn, straight to the pumpkin pie! I win! Not so fast. You missed the most important spot where you give thanks for your family and friends. Oh, you're right. It's okay that I didn't win. I'll get you tomor

Santa Claus and the Snowman Cross Paths

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

'Christmas dinner's almost ready dear.'

Safe Christmas.