Festive Celebration Pillows

'We won't be having this turkey until next Thanksgiving. It says 'thaw out for 1 year'.'

Xmas Kites

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

Don't forget the hosepipe ban!

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Christmas Tree

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

"Home depot."

Dick was the kind of guy who wanted everyone to know it was his birthday.

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

Elfie Stick

Labor Day Flowers

Dancing in pyjamas

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

'Awesome mummy costume!' 'I'm a pirate! Some kids just TPed me...'

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"