Festive Celebration Pillows

'We won't be having this turkey until next Thanksgiving. It says 'thaw out for 1 year'.'

Xmas Kites

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

Christmas Tree

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Don't forget the hosepipe ban!

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"Home depot."

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

Dick was the kind of guy who wanted everyone to know it was his birthday.

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

Elfie Stick

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

Labor Day Flowers

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

Dancing in pyjamas

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

Flight attendant piloting Santa's sleigh.

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."