Fence Painter Gifts

'What am I doing? Well, I'd planned on going to the office and goofing off...then I remembered I'm retired.'

"They're creosoting the fence next door."

The Art Student.

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

Jack of all trades

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

The Artist

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

The DaVinci Code

Painting by the numbers for adults

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

Painting clouds

(Camel paintings)

"Yes, it's oil-paint: It's difficult to find water for watercolours around here..."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Unfinished painting of a monster in a lake sits beside the lake with no painter in sight

Horti-Culture

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

Wood Stain and Sun Tan Lotion

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

Use your imagination.

Distractions Of The Great

Painting the Ceiling

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

"I'm the only sane artist in the world."

"I think I perferred the plain magnolia"

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'