Female Health Enthusiast Gifts

'You know you've reached menopause when your granddaughter asks you when she'll be old enough to shave.'

Myrtle learns a fatal lesson about swimming during a certain time of the month.

'Is Aunt Flo's monthly visit three to five business days, or are weekends included?'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"Your contents have shifted."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

'Your reflexes are still good!'

"Migration ruins my 10,000 steps."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Corona Funeral

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

"I think you put too much healthy food in our smart refrigerator. It's about to spit it all out."

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"