Fema Worker Gifts

"Could be worse. In my previous life I was a FEMA worker."

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

Wal-Mart Ruling

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

What are we doing today? Installing raised beds. Then we'll plant them for a couple who want organic vegetables. Brilliant, Dad. Tree's Tree Nursery. You take the hard work out of gardening. Right. And give it to me! Right again!

Cafe Burns.

Raphnrrf? Raphnrrf? Umpha? Frfee? Maamr? Pick.

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"You know, it really wasn’t that bad."

'I'd say you're a little late...'

"I didn't realize there was so many different kinds of vegetables!"

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

"I tried to hire a hamburger fry cook from a fast food joint for our cafeteria but he wouldn't take the cut in pay."

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

'It's an innovative way to boost attendance.'

"They love me...they really, really love me!"

Biocafeteraologist

Overturned boat.

"Oh yes, I proudly served."

How Americans Can Get Help

"Don't think you can just put the on the costume and replace Jeff."

Santa's gifts for 2021

'For cryin' out loud, will you get back into your body?! It's just a concussion.'

"Somebody found a finger in a salad?!"

"At last...after so many missed days...so many cruel days apart...we are together once again!"

'Too late. The spelling test was first period.'

'I burnt my hand in hot water.' - 'Why didn't you feel it before putting your hand in?'

"Five kids have signed my petition. We'd like to have vegetarian options on the cafeteria menu. To help, I've put together a few recipes of my own."

Wow, you're right! Your mom's regurgitated worms are way better than my mom's!

'I need a hug. I was laid off at the fish factory.'

'You can't say the government isn't trying.'

"Five settings? Who's coming over?"

'They had Sloppy Joes in the cafeteria.'

Olga's Cafeterear

"So you're cool with Tia Carmen working here?"