Feline Productivity Guru Gifts

"I hate this new litter box. It doesn't come with Wi-Fi or a phone charger. This used to be a productive place for me."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Cat in a tank...

'So that we can have a productive meeting, please turn off all phones and put away any catnip toys.'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

'Wow! That yogapilates has really paid off!'

"Frankly, I think it's time we take a long hard look at cat futures."

'Catch any good mice lately?'

Why cat yoga classes don't work

"You do realise that you are not the only client scheduled this morning?"

'Your anger towards us can't be healthy, so we hope this intervention helps.'

'I don't think that brand of cat food is very healthy.'

Cat typing 'Meow'.

Cat yoga

"It's an app that lets me pointlessly knock things off tables when I'm not at home."

"You'd think having nine lives, we'd be better at retirement planning."

101 uses of a dead cat: weights

"What I want to eat? That's easy. Anything you don't have."

'I know how you love empty boxes.'

E-File Muffy: Head of Household

"Oh no, the dead mouse on the threshold is not an offering! It's retaliation for my dinner being served late the night before..."

"Let's just hope the cat doesn't have anymore kittens."

"We have to buy her a good scratching post. She keeps going to a search engine and scratching a photo of one. We also have to buy another monitor."

"He binge watches TED talks about getting the upper hand with cats."

"That should keep him off our backs for a while."

Why cats will never rule the world: 'First, we'll assume high level government positions! Then we'll enforce harsh taxing measures! ...But first let's take a nap...sun spot feels...so good.'

A Scratching Post

Catcall.

"Wow! With this new device, now I can finally hear what you're thinking!"

"That cat is feral, but I am making progress with him. He won't let me touch him, but he is texting me."