Feline Productivity Guru Gifts

"I hate this new litter box. It doesn't come with Wi-Fi or a phone charger. This used to be a productive place for me."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Cat in a tank...

'So that we can have a productive meeting, please turn off all phones and put away any catnip toys.'

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

'Wow! That yogapilates has really paid off!'

"Frankly, I think it's time we take a long hard look at cat futures."

"Whoa. Nap time again. Meeting adjourned."

'Catch any good mice lately?'

Why cat yoga classes don't work

"You do realise that you are not the only client scheduled this morning?"

'Your anger towards us can't be healthy, so we hope this intervention helps.'

'I don't think that brand of cat food is very healthy.'

"You'd think having nine lives, we'd be better at retirement planning."

"It's an app that lets me pointlessly knock things off tables when I'm not at home."

Cat typing 'Meow'.

Cat yoga

"What I want to eat? That's easy. Anything you don't have."

Hang on – I need to take a photo for proof of delivery.

101 uses of a dead cat: weights

'I know how you love empty boxes.'

"Oh no, the dead mouse on the threshold is not an offering! It's retaliation for my dinner being served late the night before..."

I know this is the first day of the rest of my life, but if were a cat, and I had nine lives, would that make this the first life of the rest of my day

"Let's just hope the cat doesn't have anymore kittens."

E-File Muffy: Head of Household

"We have to buy her a good scratching post. She keeps going to a search engine and scratching a photo of one. We also have to buy another monitor."

"Muffy has gone to a whole new level of analyzing her food before turning her nose up at it."

"He binge watches TED talks about getting the upper hand with cats."

"That should keep him off our backs for a while."

Why cats will never rule the world: 'First, we'll assume high level government positions! Then we'll enforce harsh taxing measures! ...But first let's take a nap...sun spot feels...so good.'

"In my day we walked to the litter box."

A Scratching Post

Mew Tube

"Wow! With this new device, now I can finally hear what you're thinking!"