Feline Behavior Pillows

"Oh yeah, they've got me insured up to the eyeballs. These days I run across the road just for fun."

"I told him: Of you want cute, get a kitten. If you want a professional, call me."

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

"Believe me, I'm accustomed to being analyzed by my cat."

"Sorry. Using my paws to clean myself just isn't my style."

Thank you for not stroking.

"Just in case I'm in danger of doing something. . . I'm going to take a cat nap."

"Can you come back next week? He's napping."

"There HAS to be a giant ball at the end of all this string."

'There's a 'most disgusting contest' photo finish.'

"What we have here is a severe case of over-growing."

"...and right after they rescued me, I went right back up."

"What SPF sunscreen do you suggest for lying around in a sunny spot?"

"There he goes, filling their heads with ludicrous conspiracy theories about microchip implants and mass sterilisation programmes…"

"Unbelievable! He was acting like this almost feral tomcat while all the while I could see his collar and his nametag that read 'Fluffy'. . ."

"I'm too lazy to weave through my owner's legs, so I've set up a trip-wire."

"Even a well-fed cat is dangerous: Given the chance, it would kill us just for the fun of it..."

"She's trying to make you feel quilty!"

'Let's say you're all stretched out in your favorite spot and it gets cloudy...'

Cat Gag Gifts

'George, kitty got tired of waiting for us to let her in.'

'Oh my god, I may have to walk on the floor!'

'It's one of those evenings when I just open a can.'

Cat handbook - why they don't come when called.

Purr Pressure

"This is it, Mittens! The ultimate laser pointer!"

Those who play with cats must expect to be scratched.

'Wait a minute - isn't this one yours and that one mine?'

One day, Kuddles notices that it was all just an illusion. He had wasted his entire life chasing an object that didn't exist.'

Nature abhors an empty box.

Cat Reunion

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

Police Feline Unit

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'