Feathered Funsters Gifts

"Ticklish?"

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"Study her closely...the laughing eyes, the dimpled smile...she's got 'em right where she wants 'em."

Climbing with the baby

"I don't get it! They're both diurnal, so why on earth would they bring back from the hospital a baby that's awake all night?"

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

'All my children have been successful. Frank here is in the Oval Office.'

Leopards do change their spots

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

'If Aunt Arctica is on the bottom of the world, does that mean Uncle Artica is on top of the world?'

Woman with blouse zipped up to varying degrees. Arrows read, 'single,' 'married, 'happily married.'

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

"I'm the mommy and he's the daddy and Teddy is the #@&&!# kid who keeps us from having time to do anything!"

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.

Memories of Souvenirs and Memorabilia.

Drat. Your bolts are metric,but my tools aren't.

Outlaw Quilting Bees

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

New York City Santa with huge bag hails cab.

"Oh, he's cute, all right, but he's got the temperament of a car alarm."

'Frankly, I think his caroling was better before he launched a solo career.'

The animal and plant kingdoms unite to send to you Season's Greetings.

'I'm not hopeful about my presents Mum - when I asked him, he didn't even know our address.'

"Thank you and feel free to download the appropriate holiday greeting from my website."

"My dad didn't get what he wanted for Christmas, so he went into his usual rage-display! So embarrassing..."

'The sun'll be up soon. Can I go downstairs now?'

'Sorry I Ate the Cookies Last Year.'

"They had their names removed using the right to be forgotten."

'For the first time in ages, Rudolph the red nosed reindeer faced some stiff competition from Ernie the energy saving reindeer'

Santa saying to shrink - "I don't believe in myself."