Fearless Granny Lover Pillows

Death never accounted for Mrs O'Grady's handbag.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

'I'm sorry Peggy, but at this point in time, I just don't feel like getting off the couch.'

Call it Tough Love.

Boyfriend scores notches on wall by bed.

"I bought it on Amazon. They have a good return policy."

"I don't know-somehow the city seems much scarier than when I was a kid."

Valentine's Day calls for a romantic candlelight dinner and soft music. Then a trip back to my place for some heavy groping and groaning.

"I invented 'shopping' and I haven't seen my wife since."

"Oh, stop self-stereotyping, woman!"

'I can't believe this! Is there anyone here who isn't too chicken to jump?'

Candles In Bed

"He hates his six-monthly visits."

Future Old People

Venn Diagram of 'love' and 'horror films'

"How about after nightime meds you come to my room for some Netflix and chill."

'Come back lads, it's 'armless.'

"Give her a little time, Kids. Helen has to get used to now being a grandmother."

Elderly tightrope walker.

"There's one thing that scares me at Halloween."

'Boy, Grandmas sure are cute at that age.'

Granny's Old Tyme Prostitute Chocolate Chip Cookies

Lady with walking frame on skis.

'George, come back down before you lose your nerve.'

"Don't worry - the dog's out at the moment."

'Everybody go home now - or I'll speak this party in nothing but my granny panties.'

'I may not look like much but f**k with me and you're dead!'

"Hon, it's been more that four hours. Shouldn't we call the doctor?"

'Will you marry us?'

"...Just checking there's no spotty gwobbly bogeymen under the bed."

'I'm told it's something to do with wireless technology.'

'Okay, let's go and ask them if we can buy them a drink. But try to look confident. They can sense fear.'

'Oh come on Justin, you know I'm terrified of luggage.'

"That movie wasn't too scary for you, was it, son?"

Being an extreme germaphobe, Philip tended tended to startle people when he met them.