Fearless Exterminator Gifts

'Are you the lady with the mice?'

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

The aliens froze, gripped by a primal fear. This time there would be no abduction.

"And where have you previously moused?"

"Is it just a scary coincidence that the words 'changes' and 'unknown' both have 7 letters?"

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Fear of news.

Child makes a toy and frightens himself.

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Mountain climbers face a closed route.

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

"It's a complicated time for needle phobics."

When cockroaches go unchecked.

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

'I've got a cape. I think I can make it.'

I think I know where the noises in your wall are coming from. Pest control.

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

"I can't solve for X. I have a fear of the unknown!"

The noise from the basement was probably nothing – but if it was, she was a sacrifice her older brothers were willing to make.

'Hey! I didn't get where I am by being intimidated by the food chain thing!'

Flies up the ante!

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

'Looks like we're dealing with a mule deer infestation. I can get rid of them, but you'll have to wait until they're in season!'

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

"At last, a low-level panel!"

'This is going to be the best day ever!'

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

What did you think happens to all those vitamins that roll beneath the fridge?

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

"This wasn’t a mouse, ma’am — it was a cartoonist."