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"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

A boy acting suspiciously

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

"It's from the children. They'd like us to let them in."

'Good news dear, the doctor says we're going to have twins.'

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

"How do you like our new smart water hose? It knows when you're dirty and hoses you off before you come into the house."

'They're not reliable.'

'I'm begging you, please don't let me go!'

Fathers Saluting Each Other.

'What do you mean you're going into labor, dear? It's only Saturday. Can't you wait 'til Monday?'

'A rocking horse? Boy! What will they think of next?!'

"Well ok....but in your case I'll need DNA proof!"

'Don't try so hard . . . I want a dad, not a homey!. . .'

'Congratulations, you're a father. Now you'd better get out of here before her husband arrives.'

"Your baby's fussiness, whining, and general discontent isn't anything to worry about. It should clear up on its own in about 18 years."

"Your morbid curiosity about the afterlife is scaring the children."

"Yes, we're very fortunate to be blessed with one of each."

'Please try to understand...I appreciate all that you have done for me and I love you both very much...But, I must try to find my biological parents.'

"The book wasn't intended to hurt my stepmother - it was to help myself and others like me begin to heal."

"I could never please my father. Whenever I did something he didn't approve of, he'd threaten to go public."

'I'm afraid the legislation only covers one partner.'

'Sweet!' Boy sees a bin marked imaginary friends.

'With a boss, a wife and three teenaged kids, I haven't had much time to worry about international affairs.'

"I'll get you a drink of water, but next time, call Dad, not room service."

"Here's my report card. . . I'll be staying with friends for a few days!"

'My dad was a workaholic...' 'Mine was a drunken stumbblebum.'

"...And my Dad never gave me his approval. Which is why I try so had to be a perfect male specimen."

'Stork? No way! You were pulled out of a magician's hat!'