Father-son Banter Connoisseur Gifts

Tu Quoque

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

'I love doing things with you, Dad but couldn't you just coach my soccer team?'

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

Boy sits at father's desk at work and says on phone: 'OK, I'll have my boys call your boys ..'

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

Boy on father's knee

"I am wearing sunglasses and using sunscreen with 50% UV protection. What could possibly go wrong?"

"Ben, forget... what... I'd said about... plastics!"

'Let daddy know if you get a bite.'

Child on a schedule.

"Has your mother called yet on the international situation?"

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

Caesar slips on ice. Bystander says 'He was warned-beware the ice of March'

'What'd you make dad' - 'It's a snowman, with his ugly, ungrateful son,'

"I think our daughter got her brains from me."

'It's a tough world, son. You inflate. You get kicked around all your life. Then one day - bam! You deflate.'

As a boy, Isaac Newton ignored his father's advice to persevere, preferring instead to let things drop.

'You sure know how to get under my Dad's skin.'

Tee for Two

Donald questioned if his dad's guiding hand on his shoulder would remain with him forever.

"Baldo, I think we should meet once a week for dinner."

Father's Day.

"Vegetarian" is such a predictable phase. You'll grow out of it. Teddy? A word please. Come on, dad! You know I'm right. You may be. But your sister is stubborn. She digs in her heels. So? You added 5 years to her predictable vegetarian phase. I didn't predict that. Best colleges for Vegetarians.

"I don't see why I have to learn this stuff! It's knowledge I'll never need! As long as you're here to translate for me."

"Oh yeah... well I say my kid is better at math and social studies than your kid!"

"Dad's got an imaginary friend too, he's called Techincal support"

"Your big sister's getting married tomorrow, eat your greens or it's me and you on the dance floor."

"Sure I'll teach you how to work your new computer, Dad. Of course, there'll be tuition."

"One day son, all of this will be yours."

'Bobby, it's Dad! Look up and start running to your left, now!'

"Which one of these little fellas is yours?"

'Punish us if you must, Dad, but who will you get to tie your shoe laces for you?'

'Dad, how old do you have to be to qualify for a government bailout?'

Things Dads Teach You