Fast Food Detective Gifts

CSI Fridays

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Try to guess the continent dining...

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'How is the water prepared?'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

GM Crops Genie.

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"Don't tell him anything."

How is your soup, sir? Speaking for myself, it looks pretty good. I can't speak for the fly, of course.

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

'Mine was stone cold.'

Horse meat scandal.

"Our menu never claims that our meat is barbecued. It just says that it's covered in barbecue sauce."

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"