Fashion Pun Fan T-Shirts

That dress certainly matches your eyes.

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

Emergency Hipster Beard

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

"My scoop-back tank comes in Mango, Morning Glory, and Scallion. Don's Maori surfers are available in Iris, Mustard, and Prawn."

Cupid misses his shot.

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

I e-bay t-shirt.

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

'All right, so you've prepared your resignation . . . let me have it!'

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'

'You've got swine flu and I think it's begun to mutate.'

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

"This isn't what I had in mind, when you said you were going to buy me some waterfront property."

"The deal looks cut and dried to me but Haskins smells a rat."

RIP John Le Carre

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

To keep cool in the summer, Victor installed a whole-house flan.

Weather forecast

"Your four-o'clock is here."

(Omi God! Pigs in a blanket!)

Arm Chair

Ms. Bronte has a bad Eyre day.

"He only wears it this time of the year. It's his har-vest."

"Well yes, I could prescribe glasses, but frankly, just cutting your fringe would probably work better..."

"Father Michael has a wicked sense of humour."

Wordilly Durdillies - A cow putt

Sir Isaac Newton discovers even more gravity.

"And you say these stabbing back pains started when you got into politics?"