Fashion Forwardness T-Shirts

"Cosmetic surgery is essential: if you do not look old, you're less likely to be targeted by predators..."

'At least we look cool. Especially with the wind chill factor.'

Scot to a Greek: 'Love your outfit.'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

'I told him not to wear stretchy pants to dinner.'

"The suit - it's rejecting your body."

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

Christmas sweater alternatives

"Overkill, dude."

'Which fashion magazine do you recommend?'

Standardisation: "I don't understand...it fitted us OK!"

Son, you'll never be quick on the draw unless you pull your dang pants up.

Beware of Dawg.

"I'm never ready for sweater weather."

Chippunks

'You've had the eye exam. Now buy the t-shirt!'

Social Struggles

A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing.

"Late Jurassic is so Retro..."

'...but since no fossils of dinosaur clothing have yet been found, what you see here is mostly speculation.'

The Bland Leading the Bland

A tailor measuring a jacket.

"It's off the rack. The guy on the rack doesn't need it anymore."

'I know we got the job, but trust me, ‘dress for success' always applies, even after the interview.'

"How much more for pinstripes?"

"Hold on a minute, will you? I just want to see what color Charlie Rose's tie is tonight."

...she found out that the basque he'd bought wasn't for her.

"I want you to work late. Put on your overtime shoes."

"If my mother and father had wanted to see Yves Saint Laurent's initials on my possessions, one supposes they would have named me Yves Saint Laurent."

"Just think, someday we'll be considered 'retro'."

'I imagine you're interested in one of the more highly visible occupations?'

Two men, one with his abdomen outside his trousers, the other with it inside. 'The Tummy Tuck.'

'You must have something in my size?'

Smart meter. Smarter meter